


SNOW// LARRY STYLINSON

by larry_my_life



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Gay Male Character, Gay Mormon, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, Love, M/M, Party, Self Harm, bullshit, homophobic, larry stylinson - Freeform, larrystylinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 10:04:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2305793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larry_my_life/pseuds/larry_my_life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson falls in love with his neighbor— but his neighbor is a Mormon missionary named Brother Styles. It's all fun and games until Louis kisses Harry, and Harry is excommunicated and sent home from his mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Latter Days](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/73436) by C Jay Cox. 



> There is offensive content inside this book. Lots of swearing, and a lot of mentions of sex. I hope I don't offend anyone and thank you for reading. This book is based off Later Days.

Louis smirked, motioning Zayn to look out the window, "Looks like the new neighbors have arrived." Zayn looks up from his phone, quickly crawling next to Louis to get a better look.

  
"Move your fat ass," Zayn joked, trying to squeeze through their cluttered apartment to look out of the small window. Louis ignoring him, his eyes diverting to the new neighbors again.

  
Zayn fudged Louis to the ground with a hard punch, Louis tumbling off the couch and onto the floor.

  
"Bitch.." Louis murmurs, rubbing his bum, Zayn squinting as he looked out.

  
"Well!" Zayn pauses, "they're all guys!" he pouts, throwing his phone out of his hand.

  
"What's so wrong with guys?" Louis snapped, raising his eyebrows.

  
Zayn glared at him, a tone of sarcasm following his voice, "I'm sorry, but uhh, who doesn't like dick here? Yeah, that'll be me."

  
Zayn peeked out of the curtains again to take another glance, Louis letting it go. He crawls onto his legs, throwing himself across the couch next to Zayn stretching out his legs.

  
"Are they wearing bloody ties?" Zayn whispered, leaning closer to the window.

  
"What?" Louis exclaims into Zayn's ear, pushing his face into the window.

  
"God Tomlinson, how loud can you get?" Zayn motioned to his ears, a smirk growing on his face.

  
"If you wanna know how loud I can get, ask me to dinner first," Louis began to moaned, Zayn rolling his eyes. Louis closed his eyes, "Oh Zayn! Zayn right there!" Louis cried deeply, moaning and leaning into Zayn.

  
"Fuck off," Zayn laughed, punching Louis off him.

  
Louis ignored him, watching the 3 guys taking boxes in their new apartment.

  
"So our new neighbors can either be of these three things Tomlinson; (1) they're not gay, (2) they're FBI agents, or (3) have _really_ weird kinks," Zayn breaths, laying back down on the floor.

  
" _Kinks_?" Louis cries out, "don't you think that's a little much?

  
"That's like asking if Beyoncé is a little much," Zayn remarks, giving his attention back to his phone.

  
"You're always on your phone. What do you do? Watch porn all day?" Louis asks. Zayn licks his lips, Louis knowing he just passed the line. Louis tries not to laugh at the dead silence, Zayn quickly grabbing for his leg.

  
Louis jumps over Zayn's body, getting out of his grasp.

  
"You're going to pay for that Tomlinson," Zayn threatens, getting on his feet. Louis darted away from him, stumbling on the opposite side of the coffee table.  
Zayn chases him around the table, the apartment erupting in loud shuffling and laughing.

  
Zayn runs across the coffee table, yanking Louis to the ground with a hard grasp.

  
"That's cheating, you wimp!" Louis laughs under Zayn's arms, wailing around helplessly.

  
"What the hell is going on here?" their other roommate, Zoe, cries out.

  
They both stopped yelling and screaming, looking up to Zoe's stern face. Zoe was munching on gum, glaring at them.

  
"I've been attacked by a asshole, if you couldn't tell," Louis says with a playful laugh, Zayn flicking his nose. Louis growled at him, trying to get free out of his arms.

  
"Get off Louis, Zayn," Zoe calls, Zayn flicking him on the nose again, letting go of his hold.

"Let me guess, your fighting over who gets to eat the last Poptart?" Zoe sarcastically says, straightening up the coffee table.

  
"Zayn thinks the new neighbors have weird kinks, and-" Louis snickers, "-he doesn't like them because they're guys and he can't fuck with them."

  
"Boohoo, you whore," Zoe said to Zayn, sitting down on the couch.

  
"Did you just quote that from Mean Girls..?" Louis whispered to himself, getting on his sore bum.

  
"Excuse me, but people in ties, TIES in 90° weather don't seem suspicious to you?" Zayn yells.

  
"Have you met them yet?" Zoe asked.

  
"Err," Zayn paused, scratching his neck, "..no?"

  
"Then why do you think they have weird kinks?"

  
Zayn pointed out of the window, Zoe looking out. She looked back, trying to hold back a laugh, "You guys think that they have... Weird kinks?"

  
Zayn and Louis turn silent, Zayn growing a blush.

  
"You guys are so fucking stupid," she paused and glared at Zayn, "they're Mormon Missionaries."

  
"Mormon missionaries?" Zayn asked.

  
"That homophobic religion?" Louis adds.

  
"You can bet on it," Zoe smirked, "looks like I'm the only one that can fuck with these guys," she smiled.

  
Louis shook his head, laughing under his breath. "The next thing we know, they're going to knock on our door and tell us, or specifically me, that I'm going to hell for being gay."

  
"That is their job," Zoe rolled her eyes, lighting a cigarette.

  
"Aw, looks like you won't be able to have sex with them Lou," Zayn smirked.

  
Louis put his hand to his heart. "Ouch Zayn, you really don't think I could get in one of their pants? You're really underestimating me."

  
Zayn scoffs, "If you bring me a pair of mormon underwear, I'll bus three of your tables for a week," he hissed back.

  
"No one can say no to this ass," Louis said, shacking his bum.

  
Louis glanced at the window, the three still bringing boxes inside the house. "In fact, I think I'll start now."

  
"Where do you think you're going?" Zoe asked as Louis got to his feet.

  
"Prove Malik wrong?" Louis smile, walking past them.

  
"You'll lose Tomlinson," Zayn laughed.

  
"Watch me win, Malik," Louis opens the door and slams it shut, walking over to the house.

  
As he walked closer, he could see that one of them was fumbling with the boxes, struggling to pick it up in his arms. "Need help?" Louis asks, trying to get a glimpse at his face.

  
Louis got up closer to get a better look, the guy looking up frantically. "Oh uhh," he gulped, his voice deep and raspy. His hair was curly brown, glowing lightly in the sun. He had soft pink lips, and a tall body, that in all made his pale skin glow.

"I'm Louis," Louis extended his hand, "I'm your neighbor and was just wondering if you wanted some help?"

  
Curly took his hand hesitantly, "I'm Elder Styles."

  
Louis laughed a little, "Elder Styles? That's your name?"

  
Curly shook his head, pointing at the name tag on his shirt, that read ' _ELDER STYLES'_. "I'm a mormon missionary, which means I'm an Elder, which practically means I obtain the priesthood. Oh and well, my last name is Styles."

  
Louis stared blankly at him, raising his left eyebrow. _What the hell did he say?_ Styles laughed and blushed, "You probably have no idea what I'm talking about."

  
"No, no it's- I don't know, well actually I don't know...," Louis rambled on, seeing curly's expressions lift.

  
Elder Styles laughed, looking at Louis, "Well I'm not suppo-"

  
A blonde walked into the conversation unexpectedly, interrupted Styles in mid sentence, "-Who's this?"

  
Styles gulped, almost seeming afraid of this harmless looking guy. Blondie was wearing the same thing as Styles, a white button up shirt, black tie, dress pants, weird 80's looking shoes and an _'ELDER HORAN_ ' name tag. Louis almost laughed when he saw it. _His last name is Horan?_

  
"This is Louis, our neighbor, and he was just wondering if we needed help," Styles said, motioning to Louis.

  
Louis gave him a quirky grin, Horan looked at him up and down with a dull glare, "Thanks, but we don't need help."

  
Horan picked up the boxes Styles originally was holding, turned around and went inside the apartment.

  
"Well," Louis laughed awkwardly, fumbling on his feet as he began to walk away, "I guess you don't need the help."

  
Styles bit his lip, Louis turning around on his heel, walking slowly back.

  
"Wait!" Styles called, snatching Louis's arm and turning him around, "we really do need the help."

  
Louis smiled at how vulnerable he was, "Okay." he breathed.

  
Thats when Louis deciding to himself that this, this ' _Elder Styles_ ' was going to be the one he was going to fuck with.

  
Although Louis just met him, he really liked him. In a " _fucking you just to prove Zayn wrong_ " kind of like.

  
Styles smiled, pointed over to some boxes "You can grab those boxes, if you want."

  
Louis grabbed them, making sure to be diligent with them to leave a good impression that he's gentle but strong. Styles took some boxes himself and they both walked into the apartment.

  
Styles opened the door, their door number engraved ruffley in the wood. A urge ran through his mind to feel the wood, to run his fingers agross. Styles voice broke him out of thought, "You can just put those boxes on the couch, and I'll be right back."

  
He went into another room and Louis put them down on the couch. Everything in the apartment was clean and organized, just the way how his apartment use to look like. That was before having thousands of parties, getting drunk all the time, and having sex anywhere in the apartment. Kind of a thing Zayn, Zoe, and him agreed on, which he regretted, and also enjoyed.

  
When Zayn was being a real ass to him, he would bring a very drunk guy from a random bar and suck him on Zayn's bed.

  
A slow voice cut brought him back into reality, "Uhh, hello, who are you,,,?"

  
Louis turning around to a white button up shirt and a name tag saying _ELDER PAYNE_. Did they all dress the same? Mormon Missionaries are really fucking weird.

  
"I uh-," Louis awkwardly stumbled on his words, Styles walking in as if in que.

  
"This is Louis our neighbor. He's just helping us unpack."

  
Payne smiled, but quickly went away when he read Louis' shirt. Louis looked down, wondering if he had a stain on his shirt or something. That's when he remember that he was wearing his _Gay Rights_  shirt; probably not the best shirt to wear when meeting Mormons.

  
"Okay," Elder Payne walked past Louis, obviously uncomfortable.

  
Louis made sure that "Elder Payne" was far enough before he said anything.

  
"So, why don't you use your first name?" Louis wondered, looking over to a smiling Styles.

  
"We-" Styles was interrupted again as Horan walked in with boxes in his hands.

  
Horan looks over at Louis, furrowing his eyebrows, "What are you doing here?"

  
Louis was taken back by Horans sound of annoyance. Louis puckered his lips and raised his eyebrows, ready to tell him off.  
Elder Styles will probably hate him if he yelled at Horan, so he backed down.

  
"Okay," Louis said, raising his hands, "I get it, you don't like me. But, I was only trying to help."

  
Louis looked over to Styles with wide eyes, backing out of the apartment and walking out.

  
He heard a smack, followed along with a, "Ow, what was that for?" from Horan.

  
He got to his apartment and closed the door behind him, a strong wave of 2nd hand smoke hitting him.

  
"How was it lover boy?" Zoe asked, still smoking on the couch.

  
"Bloody great," Louis said high pitched and sarcastically, "their names are Elder Payne, Elder Styles, and Elder Horan. Horny was an asshole. Payne was an actually pain, and Styles--" Louis sighed, "he seems nice. But he's not gay worth a fuck. He's like the kid who always has to ask there parents if they can fucking breathe. So, the possibility of me getting in one of their pants are one in a billion."

  
Zoe looks at Louis, putting out her cigarette. "No, you have to win. Once you left I bet $60 that's you'd get in one of those Mormon's pants."

  
Louis groaned and sat down next to Zoe, "But-"

  
"No 'buts,' Tomlinson. Not unless you're licking em'. And I thought no one could say no to your ass?" Zoe sternly said, encouraging Louis softly.

  
Louis groaned, "But aren't they suppose to be religiously nice?"

  
Zoe laughed "They're suppose to be nice to straight people."

  
"I don't look gay!" Louis yelled, punching Zoe in the arm.

  
"Yes you do. You're even wearing a gay pride flag Louis. No offense, but your clothes, sense of humor, voice, and hair all make you look gay," she patted Louis on the back, Louis completely speachless. "I-I do not," Louis quietly defended, knowing Zoe was right. "Now don't make me disappointed in you. Get in those Mormon pants."

Zoe walked out, and Louis laid across the whole couch, groaning.

  
+

  
"Louis!" Zoe screamed in Louis' ear, pouring cold water across his whole bed.

  
Louis fidgeted awake in a start, opening his eyes frantically.

  
"Morning," Zoe lured, smiling, "time to get your lazy ass out of bed. It's 2 in the afternoon."

  
Louis rubbed his head, feeling the handover. All he remembered was going to the club, and getting drunk off his ass.

  
"It's 2 in the afternoon?" Louis asks, his voice raspy, catching in his dry throat. A headache came over him, and his body ached to go back asleep.

  
"I will pour another bottle of water on you if you don't get up," Zoe threatened.

  
Louis glared at her as he slowly crawled out of his warm bed and onto the cold ground. Louis sprawled himself across the cold floor, feeling his world spin underneath himself.

  
"If you haven't forgot, you realize you have a bet to win, right?" Zoe asked, grabbing Louis' arm and dragging him on his arm to the kitchen on the wood floor.

  
"Leave me alone," Louis mumbled, cuddling up to the floor, his skin cold.

  
Zoe threw a banana down at Louis, and Louis hissed at her.

  
"What was that for?" He yelled, running his head.

  
"If you're going to get in 'The Pants', you've gotta practice," she smirked and sat down, pouring cereal in a bowl.

  
"Are you saying that this banana represents a dick from a Mormon Missionary?" Louis asked, examined the ripe banana.

  
"You just figured that out?," she smiled.

  
As much as Louis wanted to protest from eating it, he was hungry and feeling like shit, so he unpeeled the banana and slowly gave into hunger.  
"Let's go Tomlinson, you're taking forever," Zoe yelled, grabbing his arm and dragging him to the bathroom.

  
+

  
Louis breathed deeply as he knocked on the door, bouncing on his feet. Okay okay, you can do this. Offer them the beer, ask if I could come in, and so forth. To be honest Louis was annoyed of this bet.

  
For the past hour, she had been lecturing Louis on how to serenade men. Like he didn't already fucking know how.

  
Now Louis had pounds of gel in his hair, standing on the doorstep of the 'Mormon's Residence', beer in his hand.

  
Styles opened the door with a curious face, snapping Louis to his attention. Styles smiled, and Louis couldn't help to mirror the expression.

  
He never really got a good look at Styles before. He had a good build, his hair was clean and shiny, styled into a quiff like curl. When he said he glowed in the sunlight, he wasn't joking. His skin glowed, a warm pale, almost like ice.

  
"As a house warming gift, or should I say apartment warning gift, I thought I'd give you a 6 pack," Louis rose the beer up, a smile spreading across his face.

  
Styles licked his lips, scratched his neck and darting his eyes to the floor, "I'm sorry to tell you bu-"

  
Payne walked beside Styles, Horan following him, "We don't drink."

  
A laugh rose out of Louis' throat, "You don't drink? What kind of prat boys are you?"

  
Horan rolled his eyes, Styles being fudged behind them, looking like he was trying to say something. "It's not something we partake in," Payne said flatly, annoyed.

  
"Ohh," Louis said, making him sound terribly sarcastic.

  
Louis shook the pack in his hand awkwardly, "I guess I'll just-" he paused, looking at the door number again, "go."

  
Both Payne and Horan crossed their arms as they watched Louis fast walked down to his apartment, Styles closing the door.

  
Through the open window, Louis could hear, "What a gay fag" from Horan.

  
"Shh, he can probably hear you!" Payne warned.

  
Horan snickered, "I don't care."

"That's not appropriate to say, seriously. You either fix your attitude or get sent home."

  
Louis made a gruesome face, running into his apartment. This whole bet wasn't going to work.

  
"How'd it go?" Zoe asks, stuffing her face with salad, sitting on the couch.

  
"It's hopeless," Louis threw the 6 pack on the coffee table, "they don't even drink beer, how do you expect me to do this?"

  
"I believe in you Tomlinson. I didn't bet on you because I thought you would lose. How about we go out tonight and you find a boy to have some fun with?"

  
"Finally, a good idea," Louis sighed, getting his jacket on.

  
+

  
Harry rusled awake, his eyes burning. He blinked his eyes open, the light seeping through his window. Styles groaned in confusion, falling back to his blissful sleep. But laughing and hushing echoed through his room, opening his eyes again. _'What is that?_ ' He thought, crawling out of his bed and onto his numb feet, half asleep. He peaked out of his window to see his neighbor, Louis, slumping over to his apartment with a drunk guy on his arm. They both went inside, and Styles stared. Styles climbed back into bed, and he couldn't seem to even close his eyes without being anxious.

  
All night long, he stayed awake, hearing faint noises that he tried to convince himself weren't moans, from Louis' house. A pang of emotions overwhelmed him, hatred, overwhelmed, scared.

  
He was horribly home sick.

  
Or just sick in general.

  
+

  
Louis was convinced to win this bet now. He had work off from the diner, so all he did was watch the apartment across from them. Louis set up a lawn chair by his window. He played Candy Crush, waiting for anything. It was probably 2 in the afternoon when Styles went out of the apartment with a bag full of laundry. The apartments didn't have washing machines, but a Laundry place was right next to the apartment complex. Louis hurried and ran around looking for his dirty laundry.

He needed an "excuse" to talk to Styles. Louis still wasn't over the whole beer thing.

  
Louis slowly walked over to the Laundry room, the door squealing as it opened.

  
Inside was none other then Styles in his flesh, but in "regular" clothes. He almost wanted to compliment him on his body. Bags hung over his eyes, and he sagged his shoulders, stuffing his hands in his sweat pockets.

  
Louis walked over to one of the washers, directly in front of the one Styles was using. Louis put in the load, and watched Styles as he did too.

  
"What are you doing?" Louis asked as Styles keeps fudging clothes inside the machine.

  
"What do you mean?" Styles looked over to Louis questionably.

  
"Colors and whites don't mix," Louis remarked. "How would you not know that? Have you never done laundry before?"

  
Styles blushed, refusing to answer.

  
"Oh my god," Louis smirked "oh my god!" He said again.

  
"Okay fine! I haven't. More of a mothers type of guy," Styles frowned, now separating the colors from whites.

  
"Huh. I really don't fancy my blood family. When I came here, I wanted nothing to do with them. Are all Mormon families really nice or something?"

  
"No", Styles laughed, "Mormon families are-- well-"

  
"-shit?" Louis finished for him.

  
Styles blushed, "No. Not the words I would use. But interesting. Mormon families are loving for majority say."

  
Louis furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait- are you not allowed to swear or something?"

  
"Yeah. I guess you could say it like that," he nodded, through a smile.

  
"So Mormons don't like beer, not allowed to have sex, and aren't allowed to swear?"

  
Harry laughs, "You make it sound horrible when you say it like that. But it's not."

  
Louis bit his lip, knowing he probably pushed the boundaries with that question.

  
"So why are you doing all the laundry?" Louis changed the subject, "It's what, only your 5th day here? You can't possible have all that laundry."

  
"Well, as the new _Greenie_ ," Harry started, "I have to take care of the laundry. It is one of the commandments."

  
_'Commandment to wash clothes? What kind of shitty religion is this?_ ' Louis thought to himself.

  
Styles laughed and punched him in the arm. "You're really that gullible? I'm just joking!"

  
Louis sighs in relief, "Oh, well thank god. I was about to say that you have serious issues with this 'religion' of yours."

  
Styles laugh, "Us Mormons aren't completely insane, but we are a little."

  
"Speaking off," Louis paused and looks at Styles, "why can't you tell us your real name?"

  
"We aren't suppose to use them."

  
"What? That's stupid," Louis exclaims.

  
Styles rolls his shoulders "We'll, I-." Styles takes a deep breath, staring at Louis. "My name is Harry."

  
"Harry?" Louis asks, looking over at him "Harry. That name suits you," Louis grins.

  
Harry finishes to separate colors and whites, Louis mouthing "Harry" over and over again in his head.

  
"So, what do you exactly do? You and your friends just came here to spread the religion?" Louis asks.

  
"Friends? I was assigned here in California, with Payne and Horan. I didn't have a choice," Harry replied.

"Assigned?"

  
"I'm from Idaho, and came here for a what we call a 'mission'. I didn't know Horan or Payne before this. To go on a mission, you have to be 18, have money to pay for it, and be accepted. Then, they send you a letter telling you where you're going, and how long you're going. Usually a mission is 2 years," Harry says.

  
The door opens, and Zoe walks in. "Oh hey Styles," Zoe greets.

  
"Hey Zoe," he greets back, smiling back at her.

  
"You've met Zoe?" Louis asks, feeling his feminine side snap out of him.

  
"Yeah. I felt bad about the whole beer think. So I went over, and Zoe was there," Harry explains.

  
"I've been actually wanting to talk to you," Zoe set down her bag of clothes, "maybe you could come over later today and teach us about everything? Me and Lou are interested."

  
Harry smiles and nods, starting his washer, "Yeah."

  
Louis looked frantically over at Zoe, mouthing 'what the fuck are you doing.'

  
"Would around 6 work?" Harry asks. Zoe agrees.

  
"Okay, well, I just gotta go tell the others. I'll see you at 6." Harry exited the room, jumping around on his feet.

  
Louis glared at Zoe "What the hell was that?"

  
Zoe runs a hand through her hair, "I'm not losing this bet, OUR bet. You need every second you can get to get in those holy pants."  
Louis growls at her, "I had things under control."

  
+  
"...so that's how Joseph Smith restored the church of Latter Day Saints," Harry said, showing Louis and Zoe pictures.

  
"I have some questions," Zoe said, "so, everyone gets to have the priesthood?"

  
"Only men are able to obtain the priesthood, and women are allowed of their blessings," Horan said.

  
Zoe glares at Horan, Louis knowing she's pissed about men being able to have more privileges then women. Tumblr fucking ruined her and she can't go 5 minutes without wanting to start a fight. "Are black people allowed in the church?" Zoe asks, annoyance lancing her voice.

  
"Blacks have been able to go to The LDS church since 1978," Harry smiled, the words coming off him like it was burned into his head.

  
"One last thing," Zoe takes in a deep breath, "What's the churches view of gay rights?"

  
"Gay rights?" Horan scoffed, "Those two words do not go together. God doesn't like homos. I guess you could say he hates them."

  
"You're going to come into _my_ home and tell me that god will hate me because I'm just fucking gay?" Louis yells. 

"Horan that wasn't right," Harry, of all people, interrupts. He's red in the face, definitely worked up, and Louis is astonished. Styles continues, "He doesn't hate gays. He just doesn't want you to act on it."

It's silent for a straight minute, Louis staring at Styles in shock.

 "I think it's time that we go," Horan says, motioning for Harry to follow him. He does, and they both leave without another word or look.

  
"We are going to win this bet Tomlinson," Zoe smiles, "Styles is even defending you."

  
Louis puffs, "He didn't even defend me. He just didn't want us to fight" he paused, looking over at Zoe, "and his name is Harry."

  
+

  
Louis was mentally and physically exhausted. He did yoga in a 105° room for an hour every Wednesday, and it was making him feel like he was sweating his blood out. When he walked up the stairs, we felt like his legs were on fire. As he walked towards his apartment, he could see Harry reading on a bench.

  
"What are you reading?" Louis asks, opening the mail box.

  
"Book of Mormon," he smiled, "I'm studying it."

  
Louis nods nonchalantly, grabbing his mail. One slipped out of his hand, blowing away with the wind.

  
"Shit," he cursed, running towards the side of his house to get it. He snatched it just in time, looking at who it was addressed to. He walked over, his keys in his hands.

  
At the side of the house was a hose, Louis' left thigh digging straight into it, Louis yelping out in pain.  
"Jesus Christ!" he yelled, getting Harry's attention.

Harry comes running up to him, asking what's wrong

  
"Oh sorry," Louis explains, "I just nicked myself." Louis put pressure to the cut, feeling something warm and gooey oozing from his leg.  
"Looks like you're bleeding," Harry said, putting down his book and asking if he needed help.

  
Louis shook his head, "No no, you just keep reading." Louis brought his hand up to his face, seeing blood. Louis' world spun underneath him and he tried to make it to his apartment. With one step, he fell feel smack on the ground.

  
Things were foggy and everything seemed to be pumping with pain, and Louis could feel the sizzle of vomit threatening to come up.

  
"Louis, are you okay?" The voice snapped him out of his trance, looking up to Harry.

  
"Sorry," Louis said, "I get a little woozy around blood."

  
"Here," Harry says, helping him up on his feet, "lets get you inside."

  
Harry unlocked the door and Louis pointed him to the right directions to the bathroom.

  
"Oh god," Louis says, "Harry you gotta look at it, see if I need stitches"

  
That was the first time that Louis had really called Harry, Harry. Even though his leg burned, he couldn't help to get butterflies with that feeling; it was weird-- new. Louis loved the way Harry rolled off his tongue.

  
Harry gulped, getting down on his knees to look at the cut, "I can't really see it."

  
Louis rolled his eyes, taking off his shoes and shorts. Harry's eyes widened, gulping nervously and looking away.

  
"C'mon Harry. Just look at it," Louis pleaded.

  
"You're practically naked. I-" he gulped "I can't."

"Harry, please. For all I know I could be bleeding to death," Louis pleaded. Harry licked his lips, looking at the cut.

  
"Do you have a towel?" Harry asked lightly. Louis threw him one.

  
Harry dapped the blood off around the cut, deep but not long. Louis winced at every touch, Harry already able to see a bruise.

  
"Disinfectant?" Harry asks again.

  
Louis grabs the bottle off the bathroom sink, passing it blindly down to Harry.  
  
"How can you not throw up when you see blood?" Louis exclaims, wincing with the burning touch of disinfectant.

  
Harry smiles and keeps disinfecting his leg, talking lightly and softly.

  
"Well, one time, my whole grade in High School went to a hospital, and they asked if anyone wanted to watch open heart surgery. Of course, I was the only one who said yes. So they scrubbed me down and let me watch, and it was miraculous that such a small delicate muscle was keeping that person alive. That muscle keeps us tied into the earth, and something so small, barely bigger than my fist, has made all of this possible. But anyways, I guess I've just never been wheezy. Do you have a bandaid?"

  
Louis grabbed his first aid kit and handed one to Harry who put on the bandaid.

  
"God It feels like 100° in here" Louis lied, "Maybe I should lay down."

  
Harry nods and helps him to his bedroom, sitting him down. "I'll go get a cold cloth" Harry says, going inside the bathroom. He returns with a cloth and Louis lays sprawled across his bed.

  
Harry pats the cloth around his face, and Louis opens his eyes, stopping Harry in his track. Louis puts his small hands over Harry's, lowering the cloth down his body.  
Harry gulps and his face turns red, his heart pounding. Harry forgot to breathe, feeling like a brick was in his throat. Louis slowly pushes Harry's face closers to his, and Harry falls onto his chest, avoiding Louis' lips.

  
"I've never done anything like this before," Harry says, hearing Louis' heart beat.

  
"Don't worry," Louis whispers in his ear, "It doesn't have to mean anything."

  
Harry snickered, pushed off his body. "Yes it does." He gets on his feet.

  
Harry paced and shacks his head, "I can't believe what I was about to do. I can't even believe I was about to do it with, with, with you! I mean look at you; pretty on the outside, but on the inside, you're just fluff. You're so-- vain and only care for yourself," Harry walks over to the door frame, hitting his head against the wall shyly.  
"I can't believe I was just about to ruin everything for nothing. Tomorrow you'll have another guy."

  
"What are you talking about?" Louis asks, getting in a sitting position.

  
"Tell me I'm the only one, tell me I'm special and that you need me. I'm sure you've said it to the other guys you've blindly had sex with," Harry asks, rage burning in his eyes, "you cant just-," his voice cracks, "-it would mean nothing to you; have no meaning. I'd mean nothing to you."

"Fuck you, you don't know anything about me," Louis snaps back.

  
"Don't I? Every night you get drunk and sometimes bring a guy home with you. And then the guy leaves, and you forget everything about him," Harry takes in a deep breath, "this was obviously a mistake."

  
Louis breaks eye contact and Harry frowns. Harry gulps and walks out, shutting the door behind him.

  
+

The restaurant was closing, and Louis had this question at the tip of his tongue all day, "Do you believe in God?"

  
"Who are you asking?" Zayn asks.

  
"You, I mean all of you. Okay question of the day, do you believe in god?" Louis asks, wiping up some tables.

  
"Hell, why not," Zayn says.

  
"What about you Zoe?" Louis says.

  
Zoe sits down, "I think this universe has a balance of nature. I can really say anymore than that."

  
Madeline, their old boss, walks in "What are you guys gossiping about today?"

  
"Actually, Louis was just actually asking if we believe in God," Zoe pauses, "What do you believe in Madeline?"

  
"I believe that everything happens for a reason, that's all I dare to say. I'm going to go home, make sure you lock up Zayn," Madeline said, flipping her hair to one side.

  
"I don't really know anymore," Louis sighs "But am I- shallow..?"

  
Zayn laughs "You have a pretty face, and that's all you really need in California."

  
"You're not helping Zayn," Zoe grows with a warning.

  
"Oh god am I really that fucking shallow?" Louis paces.

  
"You just need a pretty face and a good dick here in Cali, no need to be scared about anything man," Zayn smiles.

  
Louis glares at him, "I'm so shallow I'll die alone with 30 cats, won't I?" He cried out.

  
"If you want to prove yourself so fucking badly, come to my house to deliver food with my Angel Food company," Zayn says.

  
"What time?" Louis asks.

"6 am."

"6 am? Is anyone even alive by that time?" Louis runs a shaky hand through his hair.

"Come or you'll be forever shallow Tomlinson. Oh and any success to get in those Mormon pants?"

Louis looks at him "Fuck off."

Zayn smirks, "That's what I thought."

+

  
When Louis woke at 5 am with the sun barely rising, he wondered if it was really worth it. As he left at 6, he saw the missionaries riding their bikes around. At this point, he wanted to just prove Harry that he's a good person.

  
He drove over to Zayns and he looked surprise, "You must really want to win this bet if you woke up this early," he laughed, handing him some bags, "the addresses are on the bags and you need to drive around and give them to them. Some of them may be sick and can't put it in their fridge, blah blah something like that so, be nice."

  
Louis quickly was ushered away, and he got in his car and drove to the houses. 5/6 of them were old and very appreciate of Louis. But as he pulled up to the 6's driveway, it's like he could smell the misery.

  
He rang the doorbell multiple times, and knocked on the door, "This is Angel Food services."

  
He tried the door, and it was unlocked. He went into a messy, humid home with a deep voice, "I said come in 7 times!" The man yelled. He looked like in his late 20's and the life sucked out of his face. His skin was a grey color, his veins popping out of his head. Newspapers piled everywhere, and it was dark. He lay on a lounge chair, a oxygen tank next to him with wires all over his skinny corpse.

  
"Where do you want this?" Louis asks, motioning to the bag of food.

  
"You can put it over there," he motions over at his counter top. "Do you have any cigarettes?"

  
"Is that an oxygen tank?" Louis replied, looking over at him, "Wouldn't that explode?"

  
"Yeah it would. Wouldn't that be a peaceful way to go," he says, grumbling.

  
"To blow up? I'd like to die in one piece, please and thank you."

  
"Hey could you come over here, this pillow has been hurting my back all day and I just need you to move it," he said, lifting himself off the louge.

  
Louis walked over and fluffed the pillow. The man grabbed Louis' arm and he looked up at him, "Snow," he breathed, "All I see is snow."

  
Louis grabbed his arm back frantically, "What?"

  
"Sometimes I get these vibes off people. Maybe it's the meds but, all I saw was snow."

  
Louis gulped and his face drained. "I'll see you next week," he says, quickly getting out of the house.

  
+

 

All day long, Harry and Horan rode around California, ringing door bells. No one considered listening to them for a second, and Horan was hungry and exhausted, begging to go home. As they rode home, Harry's eyes settled on a medical center.

  
"Hey we should go give them pamflips," Harry said, parking his bike against a pole.

  
"You're in there as a lone wolf Styles," Horan said.

  
Harry rolled his eyes, going inside. Within 10 minutes, Harry exited the building with a look of annoyance. Horan looked over at him "Did they take them?"

  
"No," he said. When he was about to reach for his bike, he could hear faint sobs. He turned around to look at an old crying lady.

  
"Don't do it Styles, were already late for lunch," Horan growled at him.

  
"It'll just take a sec!" Harry said, walking over to the woman. She cried with pain in her eyes, and her hands shacking.

  
"Are you alright ma'am?" Harry asked lightly, the women turning her head over to him.

  
She stopped crying and looked at him, "Oh sorry, I didn't see you there."

  
"Are you alright?" Harry asks again.

  
The women shakes her head and wiped away the tears, "I will not cry in front of a stranger. Not when-" her voice cracked "when someone dies."

  
"I'm sorry. Was he your husband?" Harry asks, handing over a small bag of tissues he kept in his pocket.

  
"Thank you," she wiped her nose, "No, he wasn't my official husband. Oh, I guess I would consider him a friend," she breathed, Harry looking down at his hands.

  
"Who are you?" she ask.

  
"I'm a mormon missionary," Harry says, nodding his head, "And I'm not sure what to do at his point. It's not like they have a ' _what to do it you find a crying lady_ ' sort of advice."

  
The women smiled, blowing her nose.

  
"Have you ever read those Sunday comics before?" Harry asks.

  
"I beg your pardon?" She asks politely.

  
"You know those comics they have in the news paper. As a kid, I'd always look at the newspaper in amazement about how something so small could create something big. I think that this is the same thing. Things don't seem to connect or make sense at first when you look close, but along the way as you look back, you realize that you really are connected and create something beautiful along the way. I think everyone is drawing a picture in their life; confusing at the beginning. We may think our life is one thing, but we're actually missing the picture."

  
She looked up to him. "You're really a charming young man who sure knows how to comfort an old lady."

  
Harry smiles, and it makes him feel whole inside. The feeling like he could die right then and feel-- happy. The women sniffed, getting on her feet.

  
"I'm bound to get home, it is getting late," she walks over to her car, looking back at Harry. "Here, here's my restaurant card," she handed him a card saying Lilos, "Come by one night and get a drink, on me."

  
"I don't drink," Harry said.

  
"Maybe a meal then. Promise me you'll come?" She asks, getting into her car.

  
"I promise" Harry says.

  
+

  
After dropping off the Angel Food for the 2nd time, he got his laundry and went to the washing room. It was still pretty early, and to his surprise he found Harry inside the room, separating whites from colors.

  
"What are you doing up so early? Isn't 9 am extremely early for you?" Harry says.

  
"Actually, I woke up at 5. I was volunteering at Angel Food. Not so much of a prat boy am I now," Louis smirked, putting the load in the washer.

  
Harry laughs, dropping the clothes in his hands and looks at Louis, "So what now? You think that you do one simple thing will change my opinion about you?"

  
"We'll I don't know!" Louis blurts out, "What you said about me wasn't true, and you make me feel like I need to be a better person. It's not like nagging parents, it's- god I need it. I almost crave it. I don't know what's about you, but you make me feel like I can be," Louis pauses, trying to find the word, "better."

  
Harry dumps the 2 piles into the washers and starts them. He takes the baskets in his arms and looks at Louis with a sad face.  
"Look," he sighs "We're like colors and whites; we don't mix." Harry silently walks out, Louis falling speechless.

  
+

  
"So, what was your name again?" Louis asked, dragging him down to his apartment.

  
It was 2 in the morning, dark and Louis felt like he was on top of the world.

  
"Matt," he laughed, drunk. He walked a couple feet away, Louis grabbing him.

  
"This way love," he said, guiding him to his door. Louis looked around, seeing a faint silhouette in the window of the Mormons apartment. Louis frowned. It wasn't a question it was Harry. Louis almost wanted to cry just thinking about him.

  
Louis cleared his throat, opening his door and letting 'Matt' in.

  
Louis kissed Matt, Matt taking his lips away quickly, "I don't do kissing," he said.

  
'Okay?' Louis told himself, Matt falling to his knees, pushing Louis against a wall. He spent no time to take Louis's pants off, flipping him over and rimming him out.

Louis moaned, closing his eyes.

  
Through all his moans, all he could think about was Harry.

  
Harry.

  
He sickened his mind, Louis licking his lips.

  
"Um, not like I'm not appreciating what you're doing down there, but maybe we want to talk first?" Louis asks.

  
Matt stopped, "Yeah okay, I'm into that stuff. Is your momma been bad? Has she been a bad slut whore who just wants me to fuck her so badly?" the man slapped Louis on the ass, Louis yelping and turning around awkwardly.

  
"That was not the type of 'talking' I had in mind. Don't you want to sleep with someone and actually mean it? To actually sleep with them?"

  
"I know you're in to some weird kinky stuff, but sleeping together? I think I'm just going to leave."

  
Matt got on his feet, taking another look at Louis, and walking out.

  
This Mormon kid was fucking with his mind. Not only mentally, but his damn sex life.

  
+

  
"Are you ever going to write a song about me Zayn?" Louis asks, "You should, since now that you have an official record coming out."

  
"Pay me $200 and maybe I'll think about it," Zayn joked.

  
"So what song are you going to do for your music video?" Zoe asks, painting her nails.

  
"Isn't that the fucking question of the year. I've wrote over 200 songs, and I don't even think any of them are worthy of this music video I'm going to do."

  
Louis rolled his eyes, "Until you write about me and Zoe, you won't find the right song to use as your music video. It's destiny."

  
Movement caught Louis' eye and he looked outside to Harry with his bike in his arms, broken and bent. His hair was everywhere, and half of his shirt was out of his tucked in pants.

  
"I'll be right back guys," Louis says, going outside in panic.

  
"Oh my god Harry are you okay?" Louis asks, taking the bike from his hands.

  
"It was my fault. I should have screamed to him about the car," Harry said, burrowing his face in his hands.

  
"We gotta get you inside Harry," Louis said, guiding him to his apartment. "So what happened?"

  
Harry ran a hand through his messy curly hair, "Horan got hit by a car."

  
"Is he okay?" Louis questions.

  
"He's got a broken arm, but it freaked the crap out of me," Harry shook in fear, tears glassing his eyes. Louis engulfed him in a hug, Harry clinging onto him.

  
"You'll be fine, I'm here," Louis whispered to Harry, calming him. He rubbed his back, Harry taking in a shaky breath. He almost looked drunk, eyes red, staring at the ground with tears falling rolling down his cheeks.

  
They separated, Louis looking straight in Harry's eyes.

  
It was the first time that Louis truthfully realized how hard it had hit Harry. A part of him just wanted to hold him and sing to him. But, Louis cupped his face, bringing it up.

  
"Hey," Louis said, "you'll be fine."

  
Harry shook his head "No.." He whispered, closing his eyes "no I won't."

  
"Look at me," Louis mumbled, trying to get anything from Harry.

  
Harry gulped with tears still streaming down his face, looking up to Louis's worried eyes.

  
Louis wiped a tear away with his thumb, "I've got you."

  
Harry laughed through tears, looking back at Louis with sad eyes.

  
It was like the world had stopped time. That nothing else mattered except for this one moment.  
Louis went on his tip toes, lightly pushing his lips against Harry's.

  
It felt like Louis was flying in the sky, something he'd never felt before. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach, there lips moved together in sync.

  
"What the freak is going on?" Horan said, knocking Harry and Louis out of their trance.

  
"Oh no," Harry says, turning away from Louis and making a grotesque face.

  
"We just kissed, don't need to make a big deal out of it" Louis said.

  
"This actually is a huge deal," Harry shacked his head, "maybe you should leave." Harry felt his lips where Louis' use to be, tingling.  
Louis looked over the Harry and the two boys, leaving the apartment. What was so wrong with one kiss?  
+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave my a comment bc I'm FUCKING LONLEY. This chapter is a lot more thought through and wrote then the next one which will be the last chapter of this book. I based this book off Latter Days (a movie) and I obsessed over it practically for a whole summer and ended up doing this. This so far is my biggest book, but it's got the least hits? I don't know but THANK YOU FOR READING BECAUSE I KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING MY WRITING CAN BE.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished this chapter and I haven't even reread it yet so lots and lots if mistakes, oops?

Louis watched as they all 3 piled out of the apartment with bags in their hands and left. They all moved quickly, and Louis didn't see them again that night. They must have gotten a taxi or something.  
What was so wrong with one kiss?  
+  
When Louis woke, he could hear them all moving boxes out of the house. Louis put on some pants and hurried over to the apartment, knocking on the door. Louis was sweating and he had chills going up his back.  
Horan opened the door, his arm in a sling.  
"Where's Styles?" Louis asks.  
"His plane left 20 minutes ago" he hissed. Louis growled and grabbed Horan by the collar of his shirt, "We're going to talk"  
Louis threw him to the wall of an apartment and slammed him against it, "Where's Harry?"  
"You kissed him" he shook his head, "You kissed a Mormon missionary. You realize that Mormons are 100% against gay people, right? Do you think that after kissing him that everything would be alright?" Horan snickered, looking both ways and whispering, "Why'd you have to go fuck him up?"  
Louis realized that Mormons didn't swear. So for one to say the f bomb at him, he was taken back.  
"So where is he?" Louis asks.  
"He's getting sent back home" Horan looked at Louis straight in the eyes, "why'd you have to ruin his life? He's going to get excommunicated from the church and be shamed out of his family. You took advantage of him. And now he has to pay for it"  
"I'm sure you're happy about that, you don't really like anyone" Louis spat at him.  
"Actually I liked him. He took this whole Mormon missionary stuff seriously. Then you had to go ruin his life. And why do you even care?"  
"It was a bet at first, okay? What 20 bucks or something to get in his pants? But it's different now" Louis pleaded.  
"If it makes a difference," Horan said slowly, "he's got a 5 hour delay at Salt Lake City"  
"Thank you" Louis says, running towards his apartment, "thank you"  
+  
Louis had been running through the airport for an hour now. Salt Lake City was practically all white button up shirts and ties, and it was impossible to find Harry. Louis searched all the food places like McDonald's and Panda Express, but he didn't find him. The airport was huge, and he ran along everywhere, trying to find Harry.  
He kept going down small hall walls, getting yelled at to get out or slow down. It was probably 9 by then, and he ran down another one. A ran past a glass door and glanced at it, seeing curls.  
His heart skipped a beat as he backed up and looked outside. It was snowing, and Harry stood out in the cold with his suit case right next to him.  
Louis' fingers touched the cold medal, and he couldn't breath. He gulped and opened the door, Harry turning around.  
"Louis? What are you doing here?" Harry asks.  
"God I hate the snow," Louis remarks looking over to Harry "I don't know. I just can't get you out of my head"  
"Why are you trying to get something you can't have?" Harry asks.  
Louis shakes his head, "But what if you're not! What if my whole life has been waiting for this to happen. For you to come in my life? What if you're the one? I can't just let you leave" Louis starts, holding back his tongue.  
"You'd have no idea what id he giving up. I just can't do that" Harry says.  
"But maybe we can be. Well be the time that colors mix with whites, and when lambs sit with lions. There's nothing wrong with us being together" Louis exclaims. He looks over to a frowning Harry, and he looked down to the snow, shivering. Maybe Harry and him weren't suppose to happen.  
Louis gulps, "I'm sorry, it was stupid of me to come" he runs up to the door, trying to open it up. It was frozen shut.  
Louis runs a hand through his hair, not knowing what to do. His eyes glass with tears, and he can feel the pain in his chest.  
A hand turned Louis' face over, his lips meeting soft ones. It didn't matter that he had only kissed them once, he knew how they tasted. He kissed back, and he pushed Harry's body against his.  
Harry moaned, and Louis pushed him over to the wall of the building lightly, kissing him passionately.  
His cold body turned burning hot with adrenaline as Harry turned them around, Harry pinning Louis to the wall and giving him a hickey. Louis moaned as his mouth sucked on his skin, his body frisky and hot.  
The door shook and opened, a janitor looking out, "Oh" he said.  
Harry blushed as he got off Louis, Louis panting.  
"The door was locked. You guys better get in here, the whole airport is shutting down" he said.  
Harry grabbed his bags and Louis smirked.  
They both got out of the airport, and found a Inn to spend the night.   
Harry dragged his bags up to the room, and Louis slowly brought Harry to the bed. Their lips collided, and Louis went on top of Harry, ripping off his tie. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt while they kissed, and Harry tore off the shirt to bare skin.  
"My god" Louis breathed out.  
"What?" Harry asked, blushing.  
"You're fucking hot" Louis commented.  
Harry moaned under Louis that night as he pounded into him. Louis found Harry completely unraveling under him the most sexy thing he'd ever seen.  
They both breathed heavy as they laid down on the covers, a layer of sweat covering both of their bodies.  
"How long did we go at it?" Louis asks.  
Harry crawled over Louis, reaching down for his bag. He searched around for something until he brought out a pocket watch, "2 1/2 hours" Harry said.  
Louis smiled "2 1/2 hours?" He whispered.  
"Is that-- good?" Harry asks.  
Louis laughs, "Good?" He looks over to Harry "That's spectacular"  
"What the point of the pocket watch anyways Harold?" Louis asks.  
"My father gave it to me. It's suppose to represent that love is eternal" Harry smiled and threw it down at the floor, looking up to Louis "I want this to last forever"  
+  
When Louis woke, he was freezing. He reached over for Harry, and all he found was a pillow. Louis opened his eyes, looking around; his suit case was gone.  
Louis ran a hand through his messy hair and stood up, looking for any evidence that Harry was gone. His foot hit something cold and metal, and he looked down. It was the pocket watch, and he picked it up and admired it. He opened it up, a quote carved into the metal side,  
"Love can only bring things that are eternal to this world"  
\+   
Louis got back to sunny California with one thought; he had to find Harry.   
"So did you get in the pants?" Zayn asked, drinking a can of beer.  
Louis took a deep breath, "No, I think I lost this one."  
"You owe we $50 Zoe" Zayn smirked.  
But that wasn't what Louis cared about. He went up to his room and searched online for "Harry Styles".  
There was thousands of people with the last name Styles, and he had to call every since one of them trying to find him.  
Within a week, he got a number.  
"Hello?" A old woman answered.  
"Ah, hello Mrs. Styles. I was just wondering if I could talk to your son?" Louis asked.   
'Wow Louis you couldn't have made it sound creepier' he told himself.  
"May I ask who is asking?"  
"Yeah my name is Louis Tomlinson"  
"Are you one of the elders in California?" She asked.  
"No, I'm actually-"   
the guy who banged your son?  
"-I'm the guy who lived right next to him in California"  
"So you're the one who kissed my son?" She yelled, "how dare you call this number. Don't you ever, EVER call again or I will so much kill you. Stay away from my son" she threatened and hung up the phone.  
Louis stayed on the line, speechless. He hung up, confused and happy at the same time.  
The next time that he called Harry would probably answer. That was all he needed to know.  
+  
Harry could hear his mother yelling from the other room. He played with his food, the silence of the house killing him with every second.  
Harry looked over to the cold plate of food to his right where his father use to sit, and tears made up to his eyes. His dad refused to see him because he was ashamed in him. The last time he was him was when they excommunicated him from the church.  
His mother came in with a look of worry on his face, "Might as well not let this go cold, or have you play with it" she said, picking up both of the plates. Harry looked her straight in the eyes, and she didn't glance at him.  
Harry burrowed his face in his hands as his mother walked out. How much longer was it going to be like this?  
Harry heard a crash of plates, and he got up and went into the kitchen. Harry's mom was on the floor, picking up the plates and food with gloves.  
"Need any help?" Harry asks, slumming against the wall  
"No, thank you though"  
"Mom" Harry said.  
Harry's mom moaned a yes, picking up the plates.  
"Mom look at me" Harry said, tears threatening to come out of his eyes, "Look at me"  
She looked up at him with a dull face, "What Harry?" She snapped.  
Harry started to cry "That's the first time you've looked at me since I got home. Are you that ashamed in me?"  
"You kissed a man!" She yelled, "when I walk by people in the grocery market, they glare at me. I'm embarrassed to have you as a son" she yelled "why do you think your father never comes home?"  
Harry looks at his mother with glassy eyes.  
"Was his name Louis?" She asked.  
Harry's face turned white. How'd she know that?  
She shook her head "One of your companions called the other day saying that you were just a bet to him. He won over your soul for lousy 20 bucks Harry! He didn't care for you!"  
"No!" Harry cried, "he wasn't like that!"  
"Yes he was Harry. And let's hope that somehow God can forgive you of your sins"  
"But what if it's me?" Harry cried out.  
Harry's mom turned sour and smacked Harry, "Don't you ever say that you're gay!" She screamed.  
Harry cried into his hands, "I can't change who I am mom!" He stormed out of the room, feeling the sting of her hand on his face and went to his room. He locked the door behind him, crying into his knees.  
What was wrong with him?  
Why did he have to be gay?  
Harry clawed at his chest, begging for the pain to stop. He cried and he felt like he was breathing fire. He had to stop this feeling.  
He needed medicine to his sickness.  
Harry got on his feet, shacking and crying and walked to his bathroom. He opened his cupboard to combs and brushes, a razor, medicine, and shampoo and conditioner. The pain swallowed him up, and he knocked his cupboard over, screaming.  
He crumbled to the floor, rocking back and forth with a feeling of death. He closed his eyes and laid on the floor, cuddling against the mats on the floor. He slowly calmed himself down, the ache of pain laying in his chest. He opened his eyes to his cupboard broken in half, with all the stuff scattered all over the floor.  
Something shiny caught his eye and he looked over; the razor had broke and one of the blades laid next to him.  
He had never thought of it before, suicide. Now it was the only thing on his mind, ringing through his ears.  
He wanted it to end.  
He grasped the blade in his hand, playing it across his pale skin. It compelled him, and he dug into his skin, a whimper coming out of his mouth.  
He fell in love with the pain.  
The more he cut, the more pain would go away. He cut across his skin again, blood seeping through his wrist. He watched as he dug into his skin, the trail of blood following after.  
A cut for being gay. A cut for colors mixing with whites. A cut for the lion and the lion. A cut for his family. It never seemed to end. All the pain he ever felt was put into one, and he cut like mad. He would feel the sizzle of the cuts, but if was nothing compared to what he was feeling inside.  
His vision started to get blurry and he dropped the blade, looking down to his bloody wrist. Black stars started to consume his vision and he cried as he bled out.  
He could hear the door knob trying to be opened, and he didn't want to be saved. He cried on the floor as his vision went blank.  
He didn't feel the pain anymore.  
+  
Louis bounced his foot up in anticipation, the phone ringing.  
"Hello?" Mrs. Styles said.  
Louis mentally stabbed himself. Of course she had to answer.  
"Mrs. Styles I know you don't want me to talk to your son-"  
"-my son? Let me tell you something you bastard. Thanks to you, my son took a razor to his wrist. I hope you burn. I hope you burn in hell" she yelled. She started to cry, "why'd you do it?" She cried.  
Louis hung up the phone, breathless. He took in a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.  
He hurt him.  
"Hey are you okay?" Zoe snapped him out of his own thoughts. Louis looked up with red eyes, shaking his head "No"  
+  
"Seems like you haven't had the best day Tomlinson" Madeline said, "sit down."  
Louis sat down, Madeline pouring him a whiskey.  
Louis took it and drank it down whole, his throat burning.  
"Now tell me, what happened. Was it some asshole of a costumer?"  
Louis closed his eyes and sighed, "No" he paused "I just really messed up with some guy"  
"We'll this some guy must mean a lot to you then" she remarked, pouring him another.  
"I think I love him" Louis said. It surprised him, the way it was curled off his tongue; he did love him.  
"Then go tell him that!" Madeline smiled.  
Louis drank the cup again, "It's not that easy"  
"Well, love can't always be forever i suppose" she said, holding Louis' hand.  
Louis blinked away the tears, "That's kind of ironic, because his pocket watch, the only think I have left of him that can even prove he ever existed, says that love in eternal" he laughed lightly.  
"Then maybe it is" Madeline said smoothly, "Maybe he'll come back."  
"I doubt that" Louis said, "anyways, my shift is over. I'll see you tomorrow Madeline"  
+  
Louis was probably 17 the last time he wrote in his journal. It had been when his dad kicked him out. It was hateful and gruesome, and Louis remembered starving on the streets.  
Now Louis was 22, and he worked at a Restaurant and obsessed over a Mormon missionary who almost killed himself because of him. He had to write something to calm him down.  
December 6, 2014  
It's 4 in the morning now, and I can't seem to fall asleep. I've already got the newspaper and done the dishes, thinking that somehow if I do it, it'll repair me. But I keep tricking myself into thinking that I can fix the one part of me that is to far broken.  
Why is it that I ruin everything? It's as if my fate was destined to make everything worse. Where the hell is my reset button? My biggest fear was to be alone and now it feels like  
Zayn and Zoe walked inside the house, Louis quickly fudging his journal into the couch.  
"Tomlinson!" Zayn happily said, a can of beer in his hand.  
"Malik," Louis hissed back.  
"Ah, not in the mood since you lost the bet?" Zayn purred.  
"Zayn," Zoe warned.  
Louis rolled his eyes, "Fuck off" he spat. He got on his feet and went to his room.  
"You're going to become a drunk Zayn" Zoe said, sitting down on the couch. She sat down on something hard, and she pulled it out from under the couch.  
"Is that Louis' journal?" Zayn asks.  
Zoe opens the book open, "Yeah"  
+  
"Aren't you excited?" Louis asked "I get to finally see your music video and hear your music Zayn. You've been keeping it so fucking secretive"  
Zayn looked over at Louis as Zoe popped the DVD in the video player.  
"There's something I need to tell you first" Zayn breathed, "you need to understan-" the music video began and Louis went at the end of his seat.  
There Zayn was on the screen, singing a soft tune song,  
“It's 4 am, I can't sleep  
Done the dishes and read the newspaper  
Somehow will this work repair me?  
Even though I know that-” Louis furrowed his eyebrows and turned off the TV "What the fuck is this?"  
"I wanted to tell you" Zayn said.  
"No- no. Why the fuck did you look at my journal? That was personal!" Louis yelled.  
"I know I know, I'm sorry. But you have to realize th-"  
"NO" Louis yelled, "What the fuck is wrong with you"  
Zayn bowed his head down, "I got signed on a record. I'm going to go up to Las Vegas to try and get some more gigs."  
"Fucking great for you" Louis looked over to Zoe, who was also bowing her head, "you knew too?"  
"It was my idea" she gulped.  
"Wow" Louis said, "my fucking friends are fucking assholes. Fuck you guys" he hissed, grabbing his jacket and storming out.  
+  
1 Month Later  
Harry had finally got away from the hospital and the treatment. His family was going to go insane looking for him, but he didn't care. His fingers tingled with anticipation, and he knocked on the door, bouncing on his feet. It was probably 10 o'clock at night, and he was knocking on a door.  
A man opened the door with a towel on, "Uh can I help you?" He asked.  
Harry could feel his heart break. Louis had already forgotten about him, and was with another man. Harry shook his head, "Sorry, wrong house."  
More then anything, he was angry at himself for falling for his trap. He knew better and he still did it. He almost killed himself and ruined his family for a guy that didn't even care about him. Harry wanted to cry.  
He didn't have any money and didn't know where to go. Harry stuffed his hands in his jacket and felt a paper. He grabbed it and looked at it; it was the ladies place. He was hungry and she promised a meal or drink.  
So he walked over to the place, and found a small restaurant that was beautiful inside. Harry set down his bag and sat down, greeted by the lady himself.  
"Ah, the Mormon missionary is finally here" she smiled. Harry laughed a little.  
"Get this lad whatever he needs" she said to the bar tender.  
"Uhh, just a Coke" he said.  
"Why not get a drink? You don't look all that good" she said in the nicest way, and he wasn't offended.  
"I'm not allowed to. Part of being a Mormon" he frowned. But then again he wasn't a Mormon anymore. He shook his head and grabbed his coke.  
"That must be a hard sell without drinking. I couldn't see a heaven without it" she remarked and Harry laughed.  
"So what happened? You look like you just got hit with a bus"  
"I'm sure you don't want to listen" Harry said, taking a sip.  
"You let me spill out my guts, so why don't you let me repay you and let you do the same to me" she smiled.  
"Well, I kissed a man. And I'm not allowed to do that so they sent me home where I was excommunicated from the church" Harry took a deep breath, "my whole family hates me now, and I got familiar with a sharp object" Harry felt his wrists, still healing.  
"So, my family tried to fix me by sending me to this weird religious place where it's suppose to make me straight again. But one night while I was scrubbing the floor, I heard an angel singing. The guards weren't paying attention and I followed the voice, and to find that it was find the TV. It was actually a friend of mine that I met here, his name was Zayn. He'd always ask me questions like why I didn't like gays, and stupid stuff like that. But when I read on the bottom of the TV who it was dedicated to, it said 'a friend of mine'," Harry engulfed his face in his hands, "I thought it was the guy who I had kissed. I went over to his apartment, and there was another man there. Lets just say that this sucks."  
"Your religion doesn't like drinking or gays; I don't think I'm joining" she said.  
A loud clang of dishes breaking made them both look up. Harry looked up to Louis with slicked back hair and in waiter clothes.  
"Harry?"  
"Louis?"  
Madeline rose her eyebrows "You know each other?"  
Louis walked closer to Harry, "Why are you here?"  
"Why'd you have another man at your house?" Harry's voice cracked.  
That when it finally made sense to Madeline; she'd brought them together.  
"I moved out" Louis said, moving closer to him. Louis touched Harry's cheeks, "I love you" he said.  
Everyone in the restaurant was watching them as their lips collided. They all broke into claps and cheers as they languidly kiss each other.  
"Get a room already!" Zayn called, Harry blushing.  
"Why don't you take the rest of the night off?" Madeline said.  
Louis smiles and looked up to Harry.  
"I love you" Louis said again, "I love you so much"  
Harry bit his lip and kissed him in a smile, "I love you too"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy about this book because it was something I needed to get off my chest and I quickly wrote it I know, so it's rushed unlike my other books so :))))


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